I associate the song “A New Error” with my sexual identity
Since I have realized I have become “A New Error” in this “Old Error” world
And I have been fighting many wars – between me and outside, between me and myself
And there is no unity, no peace, no satisfaction, no sign of rest
While I am bleeding and breathing hard,
I feel something – long gone forgotten –
It’s my pulse; my heartbeat
I – AM - ALIVE
Thus I declare my self-independence
I declare my independence from the gay scene
As I, blasphemously, question things that run on this superficial surface
Things that govern our identity, like we are the slaves
Things that quality-control, so that we will be allowed to use word “LGBTQ” on our mask
Things that haunt us, since the beginning of time, and frontline since the 60s/70s -
Something that our ancestors went against, and we rebuilt –
And this is not an act of surrender
To Berlin, to the gay scene
That always wants a piece of me - tries to break my self apart – redefines who I am,
Because being “queer” means “to open and accept the difference”
Because being “queer” means “to share and take care - of the fallen and the risen”
Because being “queer” means “to be freed – and to be loved”
There are still many battles to fight – even more, after this declaration –
But I will do, following footsteps of our ancestors, of those who died for our rights
If you read and listen to my voice,
Let hold hands together,
We are all to blamed, for this curse – that we constructed,
That we imposed on our identity
From now on, I will let myself be guided ONLY by “love and care”
I will feed the society with my positive vibes (in my own way)
I will take responsibility on my shoulders – although none other do
I will feed the hunger with my lips – the hungry, sex-addicted bodies, with my wild freed soul
I will love, and love, and love – and accept, and respect, and fight
This is written, as a reaction to Hustlaball Berlin 2017,
performed by Moderat; courtesy of BPitch Control Records
Why should I let other people decide what should I dress, which color should I fit?,
Other than black, leather, latex, sports – while the LGBTQ flag is rainbow?
Why should I let them bareback, or play me like I am a toy?
While I was born as individual intellectual human being – with heart and soul?
Why should I follow your inner fetish bodily commands – while mine is more about the soul?
And why should this heart and soul be called “old-styled” or “romanticism”?
As they are always part of us, what defines who we are – and our preferred pronouns?
Why should I follow the whispers into the wild night, to consume, more and more?
As they slowly forget how to be satisfied with what they have – especially, appreciate what they already have?
Why should I let my identity be defined by your system of identity?
As identity can’t be shaped by someone else, but by individual self only?
- And not through clothes, not through parties, not through drugs, not through sex positions,
not through music, not through lifestyle, not through culture, not through the outside things;
Identity is defined by ME – only by being ME
No more – I won’t let it.
I will try to stand strong, I will raise new against the sun and neonlights,
I am tired of faking, I am tired of the surface – like a snake longing for new sheddings,
I will open my mask and let the sunlight in, so I would feel the warmth – of humanity (if it still exists),
of friendship, of sharing-and-caring, of multicultural multiracial multi-identity diversity,
This is me, this is my voice
I am gay, and I am proud to be gay